ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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