Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
