Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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