Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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