It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
