I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
