She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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