in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
