just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
