Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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