She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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