I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
