I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i think im in europe. pls send help
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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