TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
