So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you never un-have a 4some
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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