there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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