The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
