Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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