Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
