I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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