The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize