i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
