Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
