I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
