I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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