How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
