Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
