you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Michael Bay diarrhea
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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