Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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