Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
