lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
