I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
