got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
