When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
