so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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