You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize