"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
