You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize