Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There r osticjed everywhere
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
