I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
