OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize