the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
