great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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