I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
