last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
