my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
