Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
