You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
