grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
