for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
