I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
