Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
