He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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