I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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