I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
