Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
