Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
