This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
