kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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