don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
