Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
