She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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