Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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