I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
