Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
