I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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