He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You are the jesus of drinking
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
