time to smoke my breakfast
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize