Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
