She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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