I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
