I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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