finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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